Rachel

You know, so many times me and Sissy heard "dont mess with the Nack girls" lol. Just in a teasing sorta way. In a family that is mostly sons, we had each other. We didn't always have an easy relationship, and for so long I thought she didn't even like me. Looking back now, I see a lot of that was just normal sister drama. Lol. We all know she always said she didn't like hugs or anything. You'd say "I love you" and she'd reply with "yeah". I think one time she did actually say it back. Lol. I look back at our photos and anytime I am hugging her, or kissing her head or we are just together she has the biggest smile. Growing up, she was my shadow. And like any big sis, she got on my nerves lol. Teasing me for having mainly guy friends, stealing my clothes... I would do just about anything to have that back. When my son was born, I was so weak. Her and mom had to sponge bathe me and then literally feed me bc I couldn't even lift my arms. I didn't have the strength. And she spent the night in the hospital with me that night too. The first night she was at Dads after I had my son, he was so fussy that night. He finally settled down, I laid him in his bassinet and then he started fussing again. <morning time> well she came in my room, I started to apologize and she didn't say anything. Picked him up, took him to her room then came back and wheeled the bassinet out. Growing up and always hearing that she didn't want kids or even like them, you can imagine how shocked I was when my 15 year old lil sis came and decided she'd take her nephew all on her own lol. From the moment he was born, Max had her wrapped around his finger lol. She adored him and loved him so much. As he always has her. When I was pregnant, we started doing our lil photo shoots. Bc I wanted pregnancy photos but I am so weird about the camera. So we decided to do that. We had just decided to do amother one soon a week before she passed. Watching her achieve her dreams. Seeing how she created magic to get anything done, inspired me. I told her she had to teach me. Life has always been a struggle for me, but for my baby sis, she made it look easy. She was a force all on her own. Nothing ever seemed to scare her. She was short and little for most of her life and as they say, great things come in small packages. She didn't let anything stop her. As a sister, as her older sister, I don't know how to deal with this. I am trying my best and trying to honor her memory by being as amazing as her tho I doubt I'll ever be that amazing. I am now the shortest. <she was only like an inch and a half shorter, but still> and I am now the sister without her sister. That pain is a pain I never thought I'd feel and I don't understand how to accept it. And based on my friends, who have also lost their siblings, it may not be something I ever can accept. Sibling loss is a club no one should ever have to be a part of. Parents leave too early, partners come too late and friends can come and go. But through out your whole life, you're supposed to have your sibling(s). And our brains, our souls, our hearts know this. Weve not really known a life without our sibling typically. So facing it without her is one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with. I will say that tho we have this pain, I am thankful. Thankful that tho she was the baby of our family, she never knew a life without us in it, she never knew a life without us loving her throughout it. I love you forever Sissy, I will miss you for always.

A video of Rachel's life — the photos and memories everyone has shared, gathered together. 💛